Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
