We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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