the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
