What did we do last night that was yellow?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
