i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
