Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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