woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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