i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
