I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
