there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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