there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
