The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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