Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
