dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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