Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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