I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
