how can u be prego again
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
