a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
