the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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