Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
my liver is dry heaving
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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