so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
