How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
