I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
