the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
