I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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