My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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