You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize