I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
