Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
