I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
