he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
