Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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