I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
