Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Every concussion has its silver lining
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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