you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
