She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize