She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
