i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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Best friends brother. Beat that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
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Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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