Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
