making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
