Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
