member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
