drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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