I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
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Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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