Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
