Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
