fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
