You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
