Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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