I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
