His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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