Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
