im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize