I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
