ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
