Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
