the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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