My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
