"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
