So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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