My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
