I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
