Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
