I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize