Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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