Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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