Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
