I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
