I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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