Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We are two peas in an std pod
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
