It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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