Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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