She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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